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In other words, you need to earn love (or at least lust).

Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment (or put-down), giving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy.

Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate.

And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void.

Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.

Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south.

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Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she (or he) was The Pretty One.

It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results (or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results).

Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents.

The writing of the books was precipitated by the endemic dating woes on the Harvard campus as I observed them as an advisor and, earlier, indulged in them as a student.

Those kids graduate and pretty much continue to have the same dating woes -- only now with fewer single people around who happen to live in the same building and share meals with them every day.

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